How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
