Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
