I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
