Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
