i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
