i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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