I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
