Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
