There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
