I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
