i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
