i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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