babies were throwing up all over the place
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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