Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
