New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
