Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
