my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
