Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
