ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
