I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
