Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
