I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
