he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
