I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
