so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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