Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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