how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
