the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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