Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
