Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
