The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
