i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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