when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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