Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
