omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
