I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
not ubering you a puppy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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