the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
