Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
