Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
