If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
