i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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