I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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