just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
