guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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