mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
