You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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