Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
