i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
