you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
