don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
