If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so let's talk penis.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
