Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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