Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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