I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
